Monday, November 3, 2008

No one said it was gonna be easy

He tucked his body against mine and I finally felt alright about leaving home.
This upheaval that had left me so disoriented and lonely suddenly seemed worth it, just to have him laying next to me. I knew it wasn't going to last but, everyone wants to feel wanted. Even if its only for a night. When the sun came up I pulled the comforter over my head hoping to sleep a little longer, but when I realized I was alone I sat up and looked around the room in confusion. I picked up my phone to see if there was anything. There wasn't. I had been fooled into thinking I had found something worthwhile. But the only things I found myself with were an empty bed and a newly hollowed chest. As the lump in my throat grew I licked a tear from my lip and realized, I need to stop looking. If I stop putting so much work into finding him, he'll find me. It may take time, and I might be lonely for a while longer, but if I keep hunting the way I am now I'm just going to end up with more mangled bodies and some weird sensation that distortedly resembles romance. I'm just so curious to see what he's like, will he move me instantly or will i have to pick around to find the good stuff? Either way, he's gonna be happy he met me. I will drown him in my arms and breathe him in so deep that my brain can't forget his smell. I'll be able to find him in a crowded room with my eyes closed. And he'll wonder how I did it but before he can ask I'll drag him to a dark corner and answer the question he never voiced. I forgot what it feels like to kiss someone 100 times and still want to kiss them again. I forgot what it feels like to abandon all responsibility in the name of a boy. I can't remember the last time I was wholeheartedly obsessed with someone. But when it happens, and he's picked me and I've picked him, it will all come blasting back.