Friday, December 19, 2008

Movin on up...


I've moved!


Blogger isn't satisfying me anymore.  
Other things that have lost their effect on me...

1) Heroes
2) Whiskey
3) Linkin Park
4) Intervention
5) Holiday Sentiments
6) Every guy I've ever been with, except for one.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Bromance


Me and my brother have a seriously healthy relationship.  
The following conversation stemmed from me taking all the quarters from my brothers change cup for the bus.  A seriously douchey move on my part, but I managed to turn the whole situation around, I transformed from sketchy, thieving sibling to fabulous blogging brother.


Red= My brother
Blue= Me

AIM IM with mmmthatwasgood9212/15/08 11:56 AM
you owe me four bucks
why
cuz you took change from my room
yeah well i found 2 of my shirts in your room too
so please
change i have been trying to fucking save up
spare me
ok i ll just snitch to dad then
tis all good
you will?
then ill tell him you are taking chemicals
psychadelics

ok
and stealing my clothes
do it
and then i leave
and you're in trouble

ok
do it
right now

and im 300 miles away and he cant do anything
call em up
oh shut the fuck up will
its quarters
you're not black
chill out

lol alright i ll tell dad then cuz your uch a child you cant pay back money you stole
and blackmailing is a pitiful thing for you to do
so please call him

YOUR BLACKMAILING ME FIRST
what the fuck is your deal?
youre so crazy
no im asking for MY money back
youre SO crazy
no im poor
and i have been saving all my quarter the whole year
dad gives you how much a week?
40?

for you too come and jack me like i wouldnt notice
and i get...20? mayyyyybe?
oh i knwq you would notice
but i didnt think your nigger ass would care

IZ WE ON WELFARE!?
so just pay e back or dad will make you
OH MEH GODDDDD
i give you clothes
i find you drugs
i side with when dads an ass (most of the time)
im a cool older brother
and give you cool clothes
i get you laid

lol
well
i could get you laid
if you wanted my girlfriends
ill bring you home a vicodin or something
or some glitter

ok well whatever thats all you have to do when i say you owe me money that you took without asking and you say " pleeease"
then all i can do is tell dad
you need to realize telling dad sucks more for you than it does for me.
Plus im CRAZY now
ive lost my mind up north
so watch out
im fittin to get beyonce to fight you

well alright bi bro
GURL!
IM SERIOUS GIRL
Dis be goin on my blog

You left the chat by logging out or being disconnected.
12:25 PM
(About 15 minutes after the last conversation)

lol my friends are all very interested in sam banks
they all wanna smoke you out
ha!
lets do it!
AHAHAHAHAH IM SUCH A CELEBRITY RIGHT?

yea
haha they will be pretty happy to hear this
well i need some assistance on DIS planet
whats glitter btw?
UHHHH hello glitter, glitter sparkle nationz
uh thats make zero sense
have you been keeping up with my blog
tell your friends about it
especially the faggot-y ones

you are only one of with tons of bloggers out there we all have so much to read and is sam SISSONS blog really important


Direct Instant Message session started
no offense of course
im funny
im famous
and im older than your gay ass blogging friends
and i have connections
mafia ties

hahahaha gay ass blogging friends!?!?1
hahaha
you have to meet my friend "phil morphine"
hahahaahahahah tell him to stop lying about his name
you have no phone how am i ever supposed to see you
says sam banks

you should come to my welcome back party tomm night
when?
mmmthatwasgood92
OOH i am soo down but dad wont let me

TOMORROW NIGHT
FUCKK

ooh tomaro
yeeeee lez sneak youz in
why would i need to sneak into my bros own party?
cuz youz aint 21
oooh shiz
this is just getting better and better
but dad would never let me
I KNOW
CUZ YOU IZ STOOOPID

nooooo not at all
i am a piimp
and im sickish
oh dont be kind of sick
BE FUCKING DEATHLY ILL lil bro
ill teach you
grasshopper

i definitely need no teaching
i wanna talk to ben
about ska
does anyone know how to reech him
no
but he loved skankin pickles
thats all i remember
dont you wanna talk about brit brit?

noo
ugh bro, you're impossible
im telling you, go listen to some britney and you'll start to feel much better
i read some letter from your gf that was lying around your room
she loves you ALOT
what'd she do to you?

hhahaha your a dick
im serious!
what'd that little floozy do

oh lotsa shit i dont remember what it was exactly that time
i prolly put it in my blog

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

What ever happened to Baby Gray?

Can someone please tell me where my coming of age soul divas are now?  Why has Macy Gray lost her mind?  Why is Jill Scott doing Tyler Perry movies?  Does that make her crazier than Macy Gray? I guess working at McDonald's really is a sign of things to come....This was taken from Gray's Wikipedia page regarding the next step in her career.  Someone please explain.

The Gray Life (2008): Nemesis Jaxson
Macy recently launched a new campaign under the name Nemesis Jaxson, with upcoming single, Slap A Bitch: [56]
"ladies and gentlemen. boys and girls. pimps and hos. my name is macy gray. i have decided to re-enter the real world and make my fifth album. it will be the biggest comeback you've ever seen. bigger than the big lies the american government has been telling us for eight years. not for the money and not for the fame, but friendship. yes. i miss my fairweather friends and the only chance i have of being in their company again is to write more hit songs and start getting my picture taken in trendy restaurants with other people who believe themselves to be stars. my very first contribution to my up and coming super success is a biographical ditty called: "SLAP A BITCH," written by Myself, Jared Gosselin and Phillip White - also known as Jared and Whitey. They are also the producers of this song. The great Dave Pensada, mixed and mastered. A quote from the song: "when i was 13, i slapped a bitch." for those of you who download songs for free, i've done you one better. i've made a video [57] for free and it is one of the most entertaining works of art that you will ever see. A Vma winner for sure. If I don't get an award for this video I'm gonna sue. Someone should sue mtv anyway for false and misleading network name. Anyway. Obama says...yes we can. I say... Boom shaka laka baby. Ladies and gentlemen Men and women Winners and losers, SLAP A BITCH. BY MACY GRAY. COMING SOON. VERY SOON."

Next, why is India.Arie so tacky now?  Maybe I'm missing something but her new stuff must SUCK if I haven't heard it.  I used to be obsessed with India.Arie, she was really talented!  but now...I mean, lets take a look at the evidence

The cover art for her debut album:                

















Cover art for her latest album:
I'm sorry but just because Tina Knowles used to style BeyoncĂ© doesn't mean every one's moms should dress them as adults.  Girl, you're looking goofy please stop it.




Um, where is Jill Scott?  I understand that she's in the new Dakota Fanning rape flick Hounddog, and she did that Tyler Perry movie (which doesn't count in my eyes cause I'm not black, wait...does ANYONE like those movies?  who sees that shit?) but I'm talking about as a musician...how come she too has dropped off the radar?  She released an album in 2007 but I never heard it.  I would attribute the strange disappearances of these women to their weight.  But India.Arie is looking real fit in the photo above so once again I'm at a loss.

Finally, I miss Angie Stone.  I bought her Mahagony Soul album in '01 and it was REALLY good.  She's been around since the eighties when she was in a group called The Sequence.  But nowadays, she whores herself out on Celebrity Fit Club?  Like, have some self respect Angie, I can't be worrying about all you ladies or else Ima go craycray.

I wish I could end this post with some fulfilling and kind conclusion.  Like "Ya know, I take it back...these girls are just doing their own thing.  They're makin music and staying under the media orgy's radar and I gotta respect them for it."  And while that is partly true, they are doing their own thing and makin music.  But the music SUCKS!  I'm listening to all there most recent singles and not one of them is a step forward from their debut albums.  I mean we all went crazy for Macy Gray's "I try".  And don't tell me you don't know at least ONE Jill Scott and India.Arie song...they were critically acclaimed artists when they blew up.  Too bad they just turned out to be proud african women.  

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Save the! --eh, We're Over It.

What ever happened to 'save the rainforests??' Al Gore, are you out there? When I was a little lad, it was like doomsday if the rainforests were ever cut down. If the rainforests were destroyed, we would not only increase the CO2 in our atmosphere and turn the heat way up in our Earth, but we would lose hundreds of thousands of precious, precious endangered species in the process. Some of which we've never even seen before! Or so I was told...

But what happened? Were they 'saved?' I doubt it... How did the drama end? What's going on there? I want to know!

When I was in grade school, it was like we were being indoctrinated with pro-rainforest propaganda! I swear, we had pictures of them posted, we were tested on them, I'm sure we had some sort of Rainforest Day to celebrate their crucial nature and the beautiful wonders that they contain. Hell, I know from grade school that the rainforest has layers; the top is the canopy and that's where all the birds lived and stuff, and at the bottom is really dark because the trees are that tall!

We had movies telling us the importance of the rainforests! Helloo, FernGully anyone?? If I remember correctly, that bulldozer monster was terrifying! And if there was no bulldozer monster in FernGully, then it was from another rainforest movie, which further validates my point. The 90s were saturated with Rainforest promotions.

One would think that now, when 'green' is a catchphrase and corporations are bragging about their environmental standards and we each seem to matter-of-factly know the science of how global warming works, that we would at least have some update on how our South American world wonders are doing.

It's honestly like the World Wildlife Fund or Greenpeace or whomever were like, "Ah, fuck it. The only people interested in rainforests are little kids. Once they grow up they lose interest; we all saw it coming. Let's start talking about recycling instead." Does anyone care to fill me in? If this crucial drama of our planet in peril was so incredibly important, why do I not know how the story panned out? Don't we care? Was it that important? It had to be! What happened to the rainforests?? Like the number of licks in a Tootsie-Pop, the world may never know...

Monday, December 8, 2008

hate to say I told you so

So, I didn't pass my developmental math class.  Thats about 4 attempts at basic algebra that have failed.  Everything else stuck, I survived chemistry, I stayed afloat in physics even.  AP Art History was doable, and AP English lit and English comp were almost a breeze.  But Algebra...ha! Never.  So since I'll never graduate from college because I can't understand dlfjhlksgflkshjdfgjkshMATH, here is a substitute for "Level Of Education" on your resumĂ©


TED University: TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) is a conference that happens annually in Silicon Valley.  Leaders in the 3 fields mentioned are asked to give a lecture on anything they want.  I've sat on youtube for hours, days even...just listening to what these minds have to say.  I've watched a Lexicographer explain how we can redefine the dictionary.  I've heard JJ Abrams discuss the origins of his obsession for the unkown mystery.  Isaac Mizrahi delivers a manic talk about sources of inspiration and the creative mind.  Its all covered.

I wish that watching TED talks on youtube could somehow be refined into some sort of formal education.  You can choose what lectures you want to see and write responses to them.  You can be inspired by certain speakers to create something of your own brilliance.  I don't know, I just think you guys should check it out, here are some of my favorites: 

The Next 5,000 days of the web


Underwater Astonishments



Do Schools kill Creativity?



Redefining the Dictionary


I know they're all kind of long, but if you're looking for some awesome brain food then ted.com is your grocery store.  I encourage you to find one that interests you, so when someone asks you "So what did you learn in school today"  you can say "Nothing, but then I went home and learned something amazing on the internet."

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Finals Week

Finals week is staring me in the face and it's time to get serious. While this week is (as it should be) a heavy workload, it's also kind of silly. What's funny about finals week is how common conversational exchanges often seem to be reduced to an unstated competition to find who has the most burdensome, unmanageable workload. Instead of talking about notable news or common interests, the conversations default to a list of the surmounting tasks that the student unknowingly chose to take on when they enrolled in all their classes. Peoples' conversations start sounding a little like these:

"Hey! How are you?"
"Oh I'm fine. I just finished a 25-page paper while standing on my head."
"Oh."

"Heyyy what's upp did you finish our report that's due tomorrow..."
"Well I'm halfway there but only because yesterday I had to go to three different finals that are all scheduled at the same time, but it's cool because I'll just take about 30 more Adderall than usual and I'll whip it out in no time."

"You look a little tired? Do you have a lot of work this week?"
"Um, YES. I haven't slept in four days and the last time that happened was before I went to rehab. I'm considering taking up meth again I'm so tired. I have three papers to write by tomorrow, two are fifteen pages and the other is twenty. The twenty pager I haven't attended class since October."
"Wow, that's too bad."

"Hey, sorry if I seem anxious, I just have this in-class essay in thirty minutes and I feel a little underprepared."
"Oh, that's not that bad, I have an in-class exam this afternoon and we're not allowed to use pens or pencils."

It's like people start making things up just to show how burdened they are! And thank goodness for Attention Deficit Disorder; if that didn't exist, where would Adderall be and how would some people pass their finals? Funny story-- one of my friends once dated this guy that would never EVER smoke pot, but was a HUGE fan of Adderall. I mean, how much more stupid could you get? One is an amphetamine engineered in chemical labs and the other is a plant! Talk about doing something because The Man told you to... Well, I better go, I have a forty-page English paper to finish thats due yesterday and we have to write it in pig-latin.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Am I Dreaming?

TEDDY BEARS IN SPACE!


Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Things I get to come home to...

As my first college quarter reaches a close, I have seriously gassius butterflies in my stomach. Im SO excited to go back to LA and here's why:

1) Annette, everything about Annette. OBVIOUSLY
2) Daryl's joints
3) Cactus
4) Yuccas
5) Ross' Dancing
6) Banksy's Back party at Too Many Tuesdays (DEC. 16TH SEE YOU THERE)
7) Mercedes, BMWs, Lexus ad nauseum
8) Xander's brutal honesty
9) Brent's laugh and totally frantic behavior
10) Itaru's cluelessness, JK Bitty you're plugged in.
11) Talia's smile and laugh and hugs
12) Jared's boy like kindness with a dash of satanic tendencies. I MISS JARED
13) Fenton's deep statements drenched in seersucker....at coachella....in the 100 degree heat.
14) Jack Siegel. totally miss that kid.
15) Reasons to get dressed up
16) Erin's smile, Hayley's smile, Quentin and Lyndsea's attitudes.
17) I miss being treated like teen scene queen RoYaLtY!
18) My army cot bed
19) Im gonna have ALL of my favorite people in one place...and im gonna tackle all of you
20) #14 is a lie

Life's biggest questions.


One of my strongest literary memories from my childhood is this book. The Way Things Work was, well, exactly that. It's a collection of explanations for everyday devices/technology. Everything from the oppositional concepts of levers and gears to the complex operations of a radio. I couldn't for the life of me tell you how any of the things in the book work today. But as a young boy, just knowing I had the answers bound and illustrated in a coffee table book was comforting enough. I would take it out and show my friends that I could potentially learn how film and projectors worked, if I felt so inclined.

Nowadays I am finding myself lacking such resources. The answers to the questions that plague my young mind cannot be found in a book. The inquiries range from incredibly trivial to absolutely paralyzing, but no matter their relevancy they still maintain a generally equal level of importance to me. And although the answers to some of these questions might be obvious, consider how sufficient they actually are...here are a few of the best examples, the ones that attack me so often I can remember them off hand.

- Why do people buy DVD's?
Am I right or am I right? With the creation of Netflix, OnDemand AND Tivo people still think that buying dozens of DVD's is a good idea. You can have ANY movie you want, for as long as you want it and the longest you'll have to wait for it is a day or two. Did we not learn our lesson with 8-tracks and minidiscs? These kinds of things are OBSOLETE people.

-Were did Michael Keaton go?
I know I know, he was in Herbie Fully Loaded and White Noise. But this guy used to be Batman! He was Beetlejuice! He was also in a movie called Multiplicity that I LOVED when I was younger. I guess I just miss him more than most people.

-How am I gonna survive in the modern world?
With the economy headed in the direction that it is. And my rights to marry being revoked, I start to wonder if coming of age and trying to make ends meet in Tomorrowland is even worth it. I can't even manage a checkings account, but I want like 7 children. How is this gonna work?

- Why do Christian crazies feel the need to yell at me?
I dont come to your church and tell you what I think you're doing is wrong. I don't stand on your lawn and preach to you about how much I love being gay. So please don't come to my college campus to tell me I am "the chief of sin" and that I "will get AIDS". Yes, someone said those exact words to me today, on my school grounds nonetheless!

-How come everyone thinks Donnie Darko is so good?
Seriously, doesn't ANYONE feel totally dissatisfied at the end of the movie? For the duration of the film youre taken on this journey, only to end up with as much knowledge as you did at the beginning of the movie. Oh and FUCK Patrick Shwayze.

-Why are people still buying SUVs?
Unless you're a farmer, or your vocation requires an SUV for some reason, you dont need to be buying a Hummer, or a Suburban. I'll admit I see alot more mini SUVs and barely any new full sized ones. But at least twice a week I am still forced to spot that DOUCHEBAG driving a faggot-y yellow Hummer, he's obsessed with West Coast Customs and likes paisley bandanas. Lick me, all of you.

-How come people can't accept that pop music is good?
It must suck to be those people that think its not cool to like pop. Is it not cool to like candy? Is it not cool to like mindless sex? I'm sorry, but pop was designed by some of the best producers and musicians in the industry to make you like it. It's designed to feel good to listen to. It makes you want to dance, but some people cannot get past the stigma. Yeah, I said it...pop music has a stigma, its the victim. SAVE POP MUSIC!

-Ugg Boots...still...during the summer.
ALWAYS with the denim skirt. UGHHHHHH MOVE ON LADIES.

INTERGALACTIC BRITNEY SPEARS DAY

-ITS HER 27TH BIRTHDAY
-HER ALBUM (OFFICIALLY) RELEASES (and it's good)
-SHE'S NORMAL AGAIN! and can communicate with people and be televised and tour and actually answer questions
-and her hair is probably growing out too!

on good morning america:


dance in public to celebrate britney day!

SUPER MIND-BLOWING AMAZING HYPER INTELLIGENTSIA




11 MINUTES, I KNOW. PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE



AND IN UNRELATED FIELDS, AN IMAGE OF THE MOON I WAS TALKING ABOUT. IT'S A SMILEY SKY!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Testing... Testing...

We've been wanting a flash mp3 player on this site for some time now... I'm going to see if this works. Fingers crossed...

The song is Last Night A DJ Saved My Life by Mirage.
It's on Italians Do It Better's After Dark compilation.


Look Upwards Tonight!

My besties at NASA tell me that tonight the moon will appear very closely to the brightest planets in the sky, Jupiter and Venus. Maybe it will be really pretty. Although if you're like me and you live in LA, you probably will need help just finding the moon. We'll see!
pretty pretty starry skyyy