fag gutz

Movin on up...

2008-12-19T13:12:00.001-08:00

I've moved!

faggutz.wordpress.com

Blogger isn't satisfying me anymore.

Other things that have lost their effect on me...

1) Heroes

2) Whiskey

3) Linkin Park

4) Intervention

5) Holiday Sentiments

6) Every guy I've ever been with, except for one.

Bromance

2008-12-15T12:53:00.000-08:00

Me and my brother have a seriously healthy relationship.

The following conversation stemmed from me taking all the quarters from my brothers change cup for the bus. A seriously douchey move on my part, but I managed to turn the whole situation around, I transformed from sketchy, thieving sibling to fabulous blogging brother.

Red= My brother

Blue= Me

AIM IM with mmmthatwasgood9212/15/08 11:56 AM
you owe me four bucks
why
cuz you took change from my room
yeah well i found 2 of my shirts in your room too
so please

change i have been trying to fucking save up
spare me
ok i ll just snitch to dad then
tis all good
you will?
then ill tell him you are taking chemicals
psychadelics
ok
and stealing my clothes
do it
and then i leave
and you're in trouble
ok
do it
right now
and im 300 miles away and he cant do anything
call em up
oh shut the fuck up will
its quarters
you're not black
chill out
lol alright i ll tell dad then cuz your uch a child you cant pay back money you stole
and blackmailing is a pitiful thing for you to do
so please call him
YOUR BLACKMAILING ME FIRST
what the fuck is your deal?
youre so crazy
no im asking for MY money back
youre SO crazy
no im poor
and i have been saving all my quarter the whole year
dad gives you how much a week?
40?
for you too come and jack me like i wouldnt notice
and i get...20? mayyyyybe?
oh i knwq you would notice
but i didnt think your nigger ass would care
IZ WE ON WELFARE!?
so just pay e back or dad will make you
OH MEH GODDDDD
i give you clothes
i find you drugs
i side with when dads an ass (most of the time)
im a cool older brother
and give you cool clothes
i get you laid
lol
well
i could get you laid
if you wanted my girlfriends
ill bring you home a vicodin or something
or some glitter
ok well whatever thats all you have to do when i say you owe me money that you took without asking and you say " pleeease"
then all i can do is tell dad
you need to realize telling dad sucks more for you than it does for me.
Plus im CRAZY now
ive lost my mind up north
so watch out
im fittin to get beyonce to fight you
well alright bi bro
GURL!
IM SERIOUS GIRL
Dis be goin on my blog

You left the chat by logging out or being disconnected.
12:25 PM

(About 15 minutes after the last conversation)

lol my friends are all very interested in sam banks
they all wanna smoke you out
ha!
lets do it!
AHAHAHAHAH IM SUCH A CELEBRITY RIGHT?
yea
haha they will be pretty happy to hear this
well i need some assistance on DIS planet
whats glitter btw?
UHHHH hello glitter, glitter sparkle nationz
uh thats make zero sense
have you been keeping up with my blog
tell your friends about it
especially the faggot-y ones
you are only one of with tons of bloggers out there we all have so much to read and is sam SISSONS blog really important

Direct Instant Message session started
no offense of course
im funny
im famous
and im older than your gay ass blogging friends
and i have connections
mafia ties
hahahaha gay ass blogging friends!?!?1
hahaha
you have to meet my friend "phil morphine"
hahahaahahahah tell him to stop lying about his name
you have no phone how am i ever supposed to see you
says sam banks
you should come to my welcome back party tomm night
when?
mmmthatwasgood92
OOH i am soo down but dad wont let me
TOMORROW NIGHT
FUCKK
ooh tomaro
yeeeee lez sneak youz in
why would i need to sneak into my bros own party?
cuz youz aint 21
oooh shiz
this is just getting better and better
but dad would never let me
I KNOW
CUZ YOU IZ STOOOPID
nooooo not at all
i am a piimp
and im sickish
oh dont be kind of sick
BE FUCKING DEATHLY ILL lil bro
ill teach you
grasshopper
i definitely need no teaching
i wanna talk to ben
about ska
does anyone know how to reech him
no
but he loved skankin pickles
thats all i remember
dont you wanna talk about brit brit?
noo
ugh bro, you're impossible
im telling you, go listen to some britney and you'll start to feel much better
i read some letter from your gf that was lying around your room
she loves you ALOT
what'd she do to you?
hhahaha your a dick
im serious!
what'd that little floozy do
oh lotsa shit i dont remember what it was exactly that time
i prolly put it in my blog

What ever happened to Baby Gray?

2008-12-10T16:29:00.000-08:00

Can someone please tell me where my coming of age soul divas are now? Why has Macy Gray lost her mind? Why is Jill Scott doing Tyler Perry movies? Does that make her crazier than Macy Gray? I guess working at McDonald's really is a sign of things to come....This was taken from Gray's Wikipedia page regarding the next step in her career. Someone please explain.

The Gray Life (2008): Nemesis Jaxson
Macy recently launched a new campaign under the name Nemesis Jaxson, with upcoming single, Slap A Bitch: [56]
"ladies and gentlemen. boys and girls. pimps and hos. my name is macy gray. i have decided to re-enter the real world and make my fifth album. it will be the biggest comeback you've ever seen. bigger than the big lies the american government has been telling us for eight years. not for the money and not for the fame, but friendship. yes. i miss my fairweather friends and the only chance i have of being in their company again is to write more hit songs and start getting my picture taken in trendy restaurants with other people who believe themselves to be stars. my very first contribution to my up and coming super success is a biographical ditty called: "SLAP A BITCH," written by Myself, Jared Gosselin and Phillip White - also known as Jared and Whitey. They are also the producers of this song. The great Dave Pensada, mixed and mastered. A quote from the song: "when i was 13, i slapped a bitch." for those of you who download songs for free, i've done you one better. i've made a video [57] for free and it is one of the most entertaining works of art that you will ever see. A Vma winner for sure. If I don't get an award for this video I'm gonna sue. Someone should sue mtv anyway for false and misleading network name. Anyway. Obama says...yes we can. I say... Boom shaka laka baby. Ladies and gentlemen Men and women Winners and losers, SLAP A BITCH. BY MACY GRAY. COMING SOON. VERY SOON."

Next, why is India.Arie so tacky now? Maybe I'm missing something but her new stuff must SUCK if I haven't heard it. I used to be obsessed with India.Arie, she was really talented! but now...I mean, lets take a look at the evidence

The cover art for her debut album:

Cover art for her latest album:

I'm sorry but just because Tina Knowles used to style Beyoncé doesn't mean every one's moms should dress them as adults. Girl, you're looking goofy please stop it.

Um, where is Jill Scott? I understand that she's in the new Dakota Fanning rape flick Hounddog, and she did that Tyler Perry movie (which doesn't count in my eyes cause I'm not black, wait...does ANYONE like those movies? who sees that shit?) but I'm talking about as a musician...how come she too has dropped off the radar? She released an album in 2007 but I never heard it. I would attribute the strange disappearances of these women to their weight. But India.Arie is looking real fit in the photo above so once again I'm at a loss.

Finally, I miss Angie Stone. I bought her Mahagony Soul album in '01 and it was REALLY good. She's been around since the eighties when she was in a group called The Sequence. But nowadays, she whores herself out on Celebrity Fit Club? Like, have some self respect Angie, I can't be worrying about all you ladies or else Ima go craycray.

I wish I could end this post with some fulfilling and kind conclusion. Like "Ya know, I take it back...these girls are just doing their own thing. They're makin music and staying under the media orgy's radar and I gotta respect them for it." And while that is partly true, they are doing their own thing and makin music. But the music SUCKS! I'm listening to all there most recent singles and not one of them is a step forward from their debut albums. I mean we all went crazy for Macy Gray's "I try". And don't tell me you don't know at least ONE Jill Scott and India.Arie song...they were critically acclaimed artists when they blew up. Too bad they just turned out to be proud african women.

Save the! --eh, We're Over It.

2008-12-09T11:28:00.000-08:00

What ever happened to 'save the rainforests??' Al Gore, are you out there? When I was a little lad, it was like doomsday if the rainforests were ever cut down. If the rainforests were destroyed, we would not only increase the CO2 in our atmosphere and turn the heat way up in our Earth, but we would lose hundreds of thousands of precious, precious endangered species in the process. Some of which we've never even seen before! Or so I was told...

But what happened? Were they 'saved?' I doubt it... How did the drama end? What's going on there? I want to know!

When I was in grade school, it was like we were being indoctrinated with pro-rainforest propaganda! I swear, we had pictures of them posted, we were tested on them, I'm sure we had some sort of Rainforest Day to celebrate their crucial nature and the beautiful wonders that they contain. Hell, I know from grade school that the rainforest has layers; the top is the canopy and that's where all the birds lived and stuff, and at the bottom is really dark because the trees are that tall!

We had movies telling us the importance of the rainforests! Helloo, FernGully anyone?? If I remember correctly, that bulldozer monster was terrifying! And if there was no bulldozer monster in FernGully, then it was from another rainforest movie, which further validates my point. The 90s were saturated with Rainforest promotions.

One would think that now, when 'green' is a catchphrase and corporations are bragging about their environmental standards and we each seem to matter-of-factly know the science of how global warming works, that we would at least have some update on how our South American world wonders are doing.

It's honestly like the World Wildlife Fund or Greenpeace or whomever were like, "Ah, fuck it. The only people interested in rainforests are little kids. Once they grow up they lose interest; we all saw it coming. Let's start talking about recycling instead." Does anyone care to fill me in? If this crucial drama of our planet in peril was so incredibly important, why do I not know how the story panned out? Don't we care? Was it that important? It had to be! What happened to the rainforests?? Like the number of licks in a Tootsie-Pop, the world may never know...

hate to say I told you so

2008-12-08T15:48:00.000-08:00

So, I didn't pass my developmental math class. Thats about 4 attempts at basic algebra that have failed. Everything else stuck, I survived chemistry, I stayed afloat in physics even. AP Art History was doable, and AP English lit and English comp were almost a breeze. But Algebra...ha! Never. So since I'll never graduate from college because I can't understand dlfjhlksgflkshjdfgjkshMATH, here is a substitute for "Level Of Education" on your resumé

TED University: TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) is a conference that happens annually in Silicon Valley. Leaders in the 3 fields mentioned are asked to give a lecture on anything they want. I've sat on youtube for hours, days even...just listening to what these minds have to say. I've watched a Lexicographer explain how we can redefine the dictionary. I've heard JJ Abrams discuss the origins of his obsession for the unkown mystery. Isaac Mizrahi delivers a manic talk about sources of inspiration and the creative mind. Its all covered.

I wish that watching TED talks on youtube could somehow be refined into some sort of formal education. You can choose what lectures you want to see and write responses to them. You can be inspired by certain speakers to create something of your own brilliance. I don't know, I just think you guys should check it out, here are some of my favorites:

The Next 5,000 days of the web

Underwater Astonishments

Do Schools kill Creativity?

Redefining the Dictionary

I know they're all kind of long, but if you're looking for some awesome brain food then ted.com is your grocery store. I encourage you to find one that interests you, so when someone asks you "So what did you learn in school today" you can say "Nothing, but then I went home and learned something amazing on the internet."

Finals Week

2008-12-07T17:20:00.001-08:00

Finals week is staring me in the face and it's time to get serious. While this week is (as it should be) a heavy workload, it's also kind of silly. What's funny about finals week is how common conversational exchanges often seem to be reduced to an unstated competition to find who has the most burdensome, unmanageable workload. Instead of talking about notable news or common interests, the conversations default to a list of the surmounting tasks that the student unknowingly chose to take on when they enrolled in all their classes. Peoples' conversations start sounding a little like these:

"Hey! How are you?"

"Oh I'm fine. I just finished a 25-page paper while standing on my head."

"Oh."

"Heyyy what's upp did you finish our report that's due tomorrow..."

"Well I'm halfway there but only because yesterday I had to go to three different finals that are all scheduled at the same time, but it's cool because I'll just take about 30 more Adderall than usual and I'll whip it out in no time."

"You look a little tired? Do you have a lot of work this week?"

"Um, YES. I haven't slept in four days and the last time that happened was before I went to rehab. I'm considering taking up meth again I'm so tired. I have three papers to write by tomorrow, two are fifteen pages and the other is twenty. The twenty pager I haven't attended class since October."

"Wow, that's too bad."

"Hey, sorry if I seem anxious, I just have this in-class essay in thirty minutes and I feel a little underprepared."

"Oh, that's not that bad, I have an in-class exam this afternoon and we're not allowed to use pens or pencils."

It's like people start making things up just to show how burdened they are! And thank goodness for Attention Deficit Disorder; if that didn't exist, where would Adderall be and how would some people pass their finals? Funny story-- one of my friends once dated this guy that would never EVER smoke pot, but was a HUGE fan of Adderall. I mean, how much more stupid could you get? One is an amphetamine engineered in chemical labs and the other is a plant! Talk about doing something because The Man told you to... Well, I better go, I have a forty-page English paper to finish thats due yesterday and we have to write it in pig-latin.

Am I Dreaming?

2008-12-06T19:49:00.001-08:00

TEDDY BEARS IN SPACE!

Things I get to come home to...

2008-12-02T19:23:00.000-08:00

As my first college quarter reaches a close, I have seriously gassius butterflies in my stomach. Im SO excited to go back to LA and here's why:

1) Annette, everything about Annette. OBVIOUSLY
2) Daryl's joints
3) Cactus
4) Yuccas
5) Ross' Dancing
6) Banksy's Back party at Too Many Tuesdays (DEC. 16TH SEE YOU THERE)
7) Mercedes, BMWs, Lexus ad nauseum
8) Xander's brutal honesty
9) Brent's laugh and totally frantic behavior
10) Itaru's cluelessness, JK Bitty you're plugged in.
11) Talia's smile and laugh and hugs
12) Jared's boy like kindness with a dash of satanic tendencies. I MISS JARED
13) Fenton's deep statements drenched in seersucker....at coachella....in the 100 degree heat.
14) Jack Siegel. totally miss that kid.
15) Reasons to get dressed up
16) Erin's smile, Hayley's smile, Quentin and Lyndsea's attitudes.
17) I miss being treated like teen scene queen RoYaLtY!
18) My army cot bed
19) Im gonna have ALL of my favorite people in one place...and im gonna tackle all of you
20) #14 is a lie

Life's biggest questions.

2008-12-02T19:22:00.000-08:00

One of my strongest literary memories from my childhood is this book. The Way Things Work was, well, exactly that. It's a collection of explanations for everyday devices/technology. Everything from the oppositional concepts of levers and gears to the complex operations of a radio. I couldn't for the life of me tell you how any of the things in the book work today. But as a young boy, just knowing I had the answers bound and illustrated in a coffee table book was comforting enough. I would take it out and show my friends that I could potentially learn how film and projectors worked, if I felt so inclined.

Nowadays I am finding myself lacking such resources. The answers to the questions that plague my young mind cannot be found in a book. The inquiries range from incredibly trivial to absolutely paralyzing, but no matter their relevancy they still maintain a generally equal level of importance to me. And although the answers to some of these questions might be obvious, consider how sufficient they actually are...here are a few of the best examples, the ones that attack me so often I can remember them off hand.

- Why do people buy DVD's?

Am I right or am I right? With the creation of Netflix, OnDemand AND Tivo people still think that buying dozens of DVD's is a good idea. You can have ANY movie you want, for as long as you want it and the longest you'll have to wait for it is a day or two. Did we not learn our lesson with 8-tracks and minidiscs? These kinds of things are OBSOLETE people.

-Were did Michael Keaton go?

I know I know, he was in Herbie Fully Loaded and White Noise. But this guy used to be Batman! He was Beetlejuice! He was also in a movie called Multiplicity that I LOVED when I was younger. I guess I just miss him more than most people.

-How am I gonna survive in the modern world?

With the economy headed in the direction that it is. And my rights to marry being revoked, I start to wonder if coming of age and trying to make ends meet in Tomorrowland is even worth it. I can't even manage a checkings account, but I want like 7 children. How is this gonna work?

- Why do Christian crazies feel the need to yell at me?

I dont come to your church and tell you what I think you're doing is wrong. I don't stand on your lawn and preach to you about how much I love being gay. So please don't come to my college campus to tell me I am "the chief of sin" and that I "will get AIDS". Yes, someone said those exact words to me today, on my school grounds nonetheless!

-How come everyone thinks Donnie Darko is so good?

Seriously, doesn't ANYONE feel totally dissatisfied at the end of the movie? For the duration of the film youre taken on this journey, only to end up with as much knowledge as you did at the beginning of the movie. Oh and FUCK Patrick Shwayze.

-Why are people still buying SUVs?

Unless you're a farmer, or your vocation requires an SUV for some reason, you dont need to be buying a Hummer, or a Suburban. I'll admit I see alot more mini SUVs and barely any new full sized ones. But at least twice a week I am still forced to spot that DOUCHEBAG driving a faggot-y yellow Hummer, he's obsessed with West Coast Customs and likes paisley bandanas. Lick me, all of you.

-How come people can't accept that pop music is good?

It must suck to be those people that think its not cool to like pop. Is it not cool to like candy? Is it not cool to like mindless sex? I'm sorry, but pop was designed by some of the best producers and musicians in the industry to make you like it. It's designed to feel good to listen to. It makes you want to dance, but some people cannot get past the stigma. Yeah, I said it...pop music has a stigma, its the victim. SAVE POP MUSIC!

-Ugg Boots...still...during the summer.

ALWAYS with the denim skirt. UGHHHHHH MOVE ON LADIES.

INTERGALACTIC BRITNEY SPEARS DAY

2008-12-02T14:36:00.000-08:00

-ITS HER 27TH BIRTHDAY

-HER ALBUM (OFFICIALLY) RELEASES (and it's good)

-SHE'S NORMAL AGAIN! and can communicate with people and be televised and tour and actually answer questions

-and her hair is probably growing out too!

on good morning america:

dance in public to celebrate britney day!

SUPER MIND-BLOWING AMAZING HYPER INTELLIGENTSIA

2008-12-02T00:51:00.000-08:00

11 MINUTES, I KNOW. PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE

AND IN UNRELATED FIELDS, AN IMAGE OF THE MOON I WAS TALKING ABOUT. IT'S A SMILEY SKY!

Testing... Testing...

2008-12-01T18:49:00.000-08:00

We've been wanting a flash mp3 player on this site for some time now... I'm going to see if this works. Fingers crossed...

The song is Last Night A DJ Saved My Life by Mirage.
It's on Italians Do It Better's After Dark compilation.

Look Upwards Tonight!

2008-12-01T16:50:00.000-08:00

My besties at NASA tell me that tonight the moon will appear very closely to the brightest planets in the sky, Jupiter and Venus. Maybe it will be really pretty. Although if you're like me and you live in LA, you probably will need help just finding the moon. We'll see!

pretty pretty starry skyyy

What's Zac Efron Up To?

2008-11-29T22:02:00.001-08:00

I just thought it was appropriate to check in with one of my favorite boys. Looks like he's slutting himself to the gas station.

Ugh... Sorry I just blanked I was looking at the picture. Umm... Oh! Did you know he turned 21 recently? I think he did... Like where were all the wasted pictures of him? Come on Zac, Lindsay gave us some shit photos why not you? Oh yeah because Disney has you wrapped around their plastic fingers. Bummer. Well if you ever need someone to make out with, I'm here for you. I think my facebook is linked here somewhere, hit me up.

(If you want to get coffee or something instead, that's totally cool too)

The Big Picture

2008-11-29T21:34:00.001-08:00

If you like hi-resolution, dramatic images then you might like The Big Picture. It's just this online section of the Boston Globe that has really large, good-quality news photographs and shit that for the most part are pretty impressive. There's an Obama series if you can't get enough of him (if that's you then you must be stoked because he's everywhere right now) and there's also intense pictures of the Mumbai massacre if you can handle gross, sad things. There's also really pretty things about natural wonders and stuff too. I actually haven't seen any series about stuff like that yet but I'd just like to hope that there are.

Sam how the fuck do you find videos like that?

Moment Of Clarity

2008-11-29T21:28:00.000-08:00

Gay White Supremacists?

Someone please explain.

I am the game, I am the spotlight, I am the thing that makes sure you never think twice

2008-11-27T16:08:00.000-08:00

Happy Banksgiving

America's darling is BACK

2008-11-27T16:02:00.000-08:00

Bless her heart for working so hard on thanksgiving. This is Britney's performance at the "Bambi Awards"??? Some German something-or-other. She pulled two awards! You guttentag girl!

THNKSGVNG

2008-11-27T09:45:00.000-08:00

It's Thanksgiving and I'm drunk and this sucks. Happy Thanksgiving readers!!! We are thankful for you. I will speak on Sam's behalf.

But damnit! Now I'm going to be hungover all day because I chose to drink Jack Daniels and forgot dinner in the same night. Ugh. My body is achy and my head feels really large. I'm gonna stop, everybody already knows what a hangover feels like.

Be back later, must get coffee.

Oh but wait. To celebrate, here's a picture of a turkey. Not a cooked one, no. A living one, so we know what it looked like before it was slayed. And our beloved president.

mmm coffee

Throwback!

2008-11-26T21:01:00.000-08:00

Okay so like when I was in high school Madonna came out with her "American Life" album and it was all anti-this and anti-that and everybody was like ooomg she doesnt like bush ooomg shes crazy blah blah blah. It's so funny to think of that now, where we can actually say that everybody dislikes Bush and the war and all that jazz.

Anyways, I was so into the album (as I should be) and I remember this song was like all like whatever and stuff, and she pulled the video because it was like graphic or something and the war actually started between the song's release and the video's release. And then she released that STUPID edited version with dumb flags and stuff. That was... over five years ago! Wow. So much has changed since then. Okay well here's the full version and it's totally unedited and blah blah blah. Enjoy. I did. (Many times)

oh and sam, thanks for reminding me. kate beckinsale. that's her name!

Its a trailer, but just look at it as a youtube short.

2008-11-26T20:49:00.000-08:00

Thanks Christy

Whatshername? WHATSHERNAME!?!?!?!

2008-11-26T15:32:00.000-08:00

KATE BECKINSALE

Underworld

Serendipity

Click (a FINE FILM, srsly)

Brokedown Palace

...a little movie called The Aviator too.

AuStRaLia*(oOOh aaAAh)

2008-11-26T15:16:00.001-08:00

I am so f*cking sick of this image. Are you? Nicole Kidman thinks she can just come back out of nowhere and saturate bus posters, billboards, and tv ads with an image of her attempting to look authentically desperate while remaining a war-torn tragic beauty. Well I think not. It looks like they rehashed the ads for "Pearl Harbor" and photoshopped Nicole's head over that bulimic whatshername actress. This poster is everywhere! Sometimes movies that try to exert a pervasive omnipresence just motivate me to not view them. I think this will be my attitude for Australia. But it's not like I'm a regular moviegoer anyways. I wonder if this movie is even good. I think its directed by Baz Luhrmann so I guess it's possible? Whatever. I'm sick of it. Put your thoughts in the comment box.

Moment of Clarity: Thanks(but no thanks)giving Edition

2008-11-26T14:46:00.000-08:00

Some one please explain...

Animal Circus

2008-11-26T13:50:00.000-08:00

So I'm house-sitting for a little bit of thanksgiving break, and I get to babysit the cutest two little animals!! Maybe not cutest, my dog is the cutest obviously. But look at them--

ginger, i think she's a white lab? is that possible? if not white, then golden. soo cute! she's a free-spirited dog that likes fast walks and never acts her age. she has a strict diet of dog food and water and thats how she keeps that amazing trim bod.

ono, a kitten! she's a feisty badass schyster that doesn't take no for an answer. ono spends her time trying to hop on top of the laundry machines and giving ginger's waggy tail some serious smackdowns. im supposed to spray water at her when shes clawing at things and damn does she move. ono may/may not be a boy, but ill assume shes a girl for now because i think of yoko ono when i think of her and yoko was a girl too.

look at them havin a brawl! or a ball? i can never tell if animals are fighting or playing.

It's turkey lurkey time betches.

2008-11-25T16:46:00.001-08:00

Its the last week of November, Thanksgiving is 2 days away, the holiday season is finally upon us once again and all I can think about is the shit I'm NOT thankful for...I'm SUCH an emo betch I know I know. I promise to go slit my wrists when I'm through writing. I'll even cut them the right way (parallel to your veins, mind you).

-I'm not thankful for having all my meals taken care of, I feel like all I do is eat. And although I may eat healthy, I cannot, to save my life figure out if I am gaining or losing weight. Body image issues just like on Degrassi.

-I'm not thankful that one of my FAVORITE stores is closing down. I mean, where else could you go looking for a laundry hamper and leave with a barrel of jelly beans?

R.I.P. BB&B

-I'm not thankful that BOTH Lipstick Jungle AND Pushing Daisies are getting canceled. But I still have the option of watching Knight Rider or Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Fucking please. KNIGHT RIDER PICKED UP ANOTHER SEASON?

-I'm not thankful that I have a weird habit of looking at people like this. They remind me that I'm either totally lucky, or I'm gonna be miserable and aware for the rest of my life.

-I'm not thankful that I WONT be in LA to make my family cry with my famous "what I'm thankful for" speeches. I used to get them every time it was so fun.

-I'm not thankful that Gossip Girl wasn't on last night, don't give me a thanksgiving episode the week BEFORE. That's some bullshit.

-I'm not thankful that Sarah Palin is even considering NOT accepting a talk show option. Do it girl. You're the next Sally Jesse Raphael. No...you're the next RICKI LAKE

Where the FUCK did Ricki Lake aka Mrs. Winterbourne go come to think of it...

-I'm not thankful I am about to be alone for the 3rd holiday season in a row. Wheres my cuddle next to the fire, get drunk in bed, present exchanging, Christmas caroling, turtleneck wearing dude?

(Ok, I lied about the turtleneck, if he wears one I'll murder him.)

FINE FINE FINE ILL DO MY THANKFUL LIST TOOOOOOO :P

-I'm thankful I'm in school. As much as my behavior/words/everything about me might negate this fact. It's true. I never thought I would have the privilege of going to college. It's expensive, it's time consuming and it involves the efforts of multiple people. I appreciate the energy my family has put into my future, it's a beautiful thing to be laying in my dormroom bed knowing I'm reaching my first holiday break from college. ~*~*ImA sTuDeNt KeWl*~*~

-I'm thankful for all the new friends I've made. At a time of massive transition and upheaval, I have found a new support system, a new foundation of people that keep me sane and crazy simultaneously. They rule, and they're just as out of their minds and evil/mean as my friends from LA/HHC.

-I'm thankful for BBM (blackberry messenger to all those that all of you that have been living under a loser rock for the past 2 years). If it wasn't for BBM I don't think I would've survived at school. It is somehow in my mind more immediate and satisfying than texting, if anyone has any theories as to why this is. Please comment.

-I'm thankful that I'm a full fledged stoner again. If the worse thing you ever get addicted to in 7 years of drug experimentation is pot, then you're gonna be alright. I feel like I'm in high school all over again, these youngins up here smoke MORE, that's right MORE than my friends in Los Angeles. It's kind of a little too much, MAYBE.

-I'm thankful that I have Britney's new album, it will forever be the sound of Winter 2008/2009 for me. Thanks gurl.

-I'm thankful to be myself. If that sounds weird or nebulous then excuse me, but its true. I'm thankful for being the totally turbulent, absolutely insane, rude, cynical, pessimistic, pompous, preachy, loving, vulnerable, scared little child that I am. Half the time I dont feel this way. And that's normal, but the other half of the time...the half that makes the most sense I know I'm an amazing, exciting, entertaining, important part of my loved one's lives.

-I'm thankful that I'm gay. It's a crucial time in history for homosexuals and I am happy and PROUD to be fighting the good fight for my gays. We rule and we know it. I feel a part of something much bigger than myself, and that humbling feeling makes me realize...its a beautiful time to be alive.

-I'm thankful for YOU GUYS!!! HELLOOOOO obviously without you I wouldn't have a reason for writing stupid faggot-y ass sh*t like this. I never in a million years thought I would care about something like a blog, but I find myself becoming more and more invested in it and its all because of you guys telling me you like what I'm doing. Keep up the good work fuckers, and I will too.

Happy Thanksgiving, I hope everyone eats and sleeps well and enjoys their time with loved ones. And remember to bring me leftovers.

CAPCHA'S GOTCHA

2008-11-25T15:58:00.000-08:00

I've hated the enter-text-security things ever since their inception. They started on ticketmaster, made their way to myspace (huge downer when posting comments), and now, APPARENTLY, they've infected facebook. It's not that I'm blind or stupid (for the most part), it's more that I see many different possibilities that the smeared letters could be, and this ambiguity is troublesome. Kind of like those brain-tricks that are like, oh is it a cup?? or two faces kissing?? What is it? Neither! Both! You're all right/wrong!

Someone please tell me what the proper answer to this one is:

I mean I'm pretty sure the second part is 'stacpoole' or whatever, but what's with that first word?? allvewvaergopeijpeoi... could be anything. leave answers in comments.

Mashed Potatoes & Me

2008-11-25T15:32:00.000-08:00

I love mashed potatoes. In two days, I'll get to eat a full plate of them and revel in the joy of their deliciousness and the warm fuzzy holiday feel I'll have because it will be Thanksgiving. I was thinking about mashed potatoes, and they're a sort of unfortunate food (but not just for constipation they cause). They're unfortunate because they're really not photogenic. When people see a picture of a pie or a cake, they say "MMMM OMG I WANT THAT MMM YUMM SOO GOOD OMG WOW" or something along those lines. With mashed potatoes, the effect is kind of similar to that which is acheived by the menus at authentic Chinese take out places--the images repel the customer rather than entice them. Here are some pictures of my favorite Thanksgiving food, and when you say to yourself "ew that looks like shit," just remember that not all foods are as visually appealing as others, and that it's how it tastes on the inside (of your mouth) that counts.

that actually looks pretty unappealling

(trashy mashed potatoes)

just a waste of time. but kind of clever i guess. no, not really.

Who's the Queer?

2008-11-25T14:45:00.000-08:00

It's me! I'm Nicolas, nice to meet you. I'm really shy, and I'm new to these internet parts. What's your name? Omg thats such a pretty name. Well I'll be contributing to this here blog, offering my skewed perspective for your reading delight. Enough jibber-jabber, let's celebrate my first post! Weeee. I'm the new guy.

STEAL FROM THE RICH AND GIVE TO DA GAYZ

2008-11-24T18:23:00.001-08:00

PLEASE READ

http://www.nomilkforcinemark.com/

Moment of clarity

2008-11-20T21:20:00.001-08:00

Just when you thought you had it the worst....

Beautiful Things #2

2008-11-19T23:13:00.000-08:00

I cannot stop. It makes me happy, and my brain likes happy things.

So you think you can dance?

2008-11-19T18:16:00.001-08:00

If you know me at all, you know that I religiously use youtube. One of my favorite things to do is watch dancers/dancing/music videos with dance routines on youtube. I've gathered some of the most amazing dance videos around. Every single one of these videos has had a jaw-dropping effect on me and I hope then when I go crazy dancing I look HALF as cool as these people. I don't know how to limit myself so I'll try and do one video for every style. IF I CAN.....

Ballet (Sylvie Guillem)

Hyphey Crunk (ATL Kids)

Pop (Janet Jackson)

Gay Hip Hop (One of the most incredible dancers/choreographers of ALL time, plz watch ALL 12 minutes.)(JONTE)

Modern/Contemporary (Jordan Bradfield)

Pop & Lock (David you've probably already seen him Elsewhere)

Lyrical (Timor and Annemiek, SYTYCD)

I hope you guys like this shit, cause I'm totally digging all of it over and over again.

Magical Things

2008-11-18T20:00:00.000-08:00

My best friend Annette asked me to do a "Magical Things" post. And I told her there were no words or images to describe the magic that dictates our lifestyle. But she insisted that I try, so here is a small, limited collection of images that should make you say "Ahhh magic!"

People I admire, unsung heroes, and amazing drinkers

2008-11-18T16:29:00.000-08:00

So faggutz has been seriously lacking lately due to the leak of Britney's newest album. Nothing seems even the slightest bit entertaining in comparison to listening to "Circus". But I've realized that I have to set bigger goals for myself than memorizing all of the words to "Shattered Glass". So I've decided to share with you a handful of people from my world that have kind of become peer-idols to me if you will. They flourish in their own ways and have in one way or another inspired me to be a more productive, creative person...

Name: Annette Lanzarotta

Age: 20

Occupation: Student, newly proclaimed promoter of "Too many tuesdays at Temporary Spaces", professional drinker and CHAMPION BITCH.

Facebook Status: "I hate everyone...honestly suck my fat dick"

Why I admire her: Annette is one of the best people to have on your side. No matter how much you are bothered by a group or crowd of people, Annette hates them more.

And for the right reasons. If you see her out, ask her what she thinks

about Jack Siegel.

Find more here: Annette on FB

Name: Gregori Nuñez

Age: Not specified

Occupation: Student, promoter, gender bending genius behind "A Club Called Rhonda"

Myspace Headline: "My terrible 20s"

Why I admire him: I have always looked up to Gregori. Since I was in high school I used to look at his Myspace Profile and see him dressed like some post apocalyptic faggot and think "THATS the look I'm gonna go for". Now, nearly 5 years later, I can call him my friend. He has revived the club scene for the polysexuals and brought back, encouraged even a sort of hyper debauchery. Much crazier and more fabulous than anything you would find west of Vine. He's dyed his hair blonde and got extensions, he kills it in heels, and he's probably one of the funniest people I know. Go to Rhonda and you'll know who Gregori is. I also have to mention he is could out drink a fucking truck driving, tobacco spitting lumberjack alcoholic. He's WET.

Find more here: A Club Called Rhonda

Name: Cory Nitta

Age: 24

Occupation: Musician, producer, digitally inclined humanoid.

Myspace Headline: "It's like whatever"

Why I admire him: Cory Nitta is one of most talented people I know. He is going to be more rich and famous than anyone I know at this point. He is going to rule the pop music world with his overwhelmingly epic beats. His style and texture is the future of digital music. He is also one of the most kind, and generous people I've ever met. He's worked his whole life to reach the threshold that he's reached right now. The pot's about to overflow and he wants everyone to get wet.

Find more here: Cory Enemy Myspace

Names: Vanessa Giovacchini and Marylouise Pels, aka Posso the Spat/Posso the DJ

Ages: Not specified

Occupation: Space Babies, CEOs of the Posso brand, Space-age pixies that create whatever pours out of their brains.

Myspace Headline: "Bangin 2 Bangers"

Why I admire them: You know those girls that you see out in the world that are just so gorgeous and tall and stunning and fierce that you think to yourself "They have got to be a bitch" well, that's what I used to think of Posso, the duo that is ML and V. But I was fortunately mistaken and pleasantly surprised when I finally had the chance to meet them, they were two of the kindest warmest silliest young women I've ever met. Their line of spats has become very successful and their personal style, a kind of walking breathing work of art have garnered them serious attention from everyone that crosses their paths. They work hard and they play hard, but it's kind of all the same for them. They put on a sick show, combining their DJ set with some kind of spectacular costume. You can't take your eyes off of them. It's really something.

Find more here: Posso the Spat/ Posso the DJ

Name: Niko Kar

Age: 16

Occupation: High School student, club kid in the making, upcoming legend, Manager to the infamous

T-STAR

Myspace Headline: "NIKO"

Why I admire him: Niko Kar is one of the coolest 16 year olds I will ever meet. I can only hope that I was as tight as this fool in my junior year of HS. He has one of the most dry senses of humor, he is well educated in the realm of pop culture and understands divas better than 90% of gay men I've met. The weird thing is I've never really hung out with him in person, I'm just his creepy 21 year old friend online. But we talk regularly and I know that he's destined for fabulous things because he is so fucking sure of himself. I wouldn't be surprised if he starting pulling both girls and guys in the club at 18.

Find more here: Niko Kar on FB/ Niko the Ikon

If you seek Amy...

2008-11-17T15:30:00.000-08:00

Today is a good day.

Fuck that, today is the BEST DAY EVER.

I have managed to find and download Britney's new album.

This makes me better than you now.

It is the most amazing album I've ever heard.

SHES REACHED A ZENITH.

I don't want to do anything but sit and listen to her and think about how much I love her crazzzzy rise and fall....

AND NOW, SHE HAS RISEN AGAIN

ALL

HAIL

BRIT

T.G.I.FUCK YEAH

2008-11-14T09:45:00.000-08:00

First came "Beautiful Things"

Now, for "Scary/Disturbing Things"

Sorry, have a good weekend.

And this one is for you Corey

I lost me to math...

2008-11-13T20:37:00.000-08:00

So tonight was approximately the 4th night since I've started school where I have had a math meltdown. Everytime I'm faced with a new concept to learn, or asked to solve a ridiculously inapplicable equation I get more and more frustrated. Then finally I'm sitting on the couch/bed/chair with my face buried in my hands and my book is across the room splayed open on the floor like it had been torn apart by a hungry woodland animal. I start thinking about the big picture and how as long as my academic career includes mathematics I am never going to be a successful student. I will ALWAYS be hindered by a grade that is irrelevant to my kind of mind.

My brain was not wired to comprehend math

It is OBVIOUSLY wired to comprehend humanity, people, the human condition, pop culture, and the english language. We all know you can't have both. No one gets to own a cat and a dog without problems. Sorry.

Then people tell me to get tutoring or help from my professor. They say "It's available!" or "Utilize the resources you have!" and the first thing I think/say is:

"Why would I go OUT of my way to try to learn THIS?"

Is this math shit important enough to any of you to go waste your time some more with supplemental assistance to aid you in your comprehension of this already totally obsolete information?

If it wasn't for math, I would be doing well, I wouldn't be made to feel inadequate in school. The fact that I am forced, literally forced to take it my first quarter in college is annoying. If I stay at Cal State East Bay I will be forced to take remedial math for the rest of the year. This developmental class does NOT count towards my graduation requirements. NEXT year, I start on math 1000 which is valid college math....NUFF SAID.

I find it very insulting that I have to take math still when my skills so OBVIOUSLY lie in another field of study.

If I could find a REAL, actual literal REAL use for math then MAYBE i would care. But I've never been in a position where I had to know how to graph inequalities.

I HAVE however been asked the definition "debauchery". I've been asked by my peers at school to explain parts of the democratic process. If you asked, I could explain the significance of Tupac and Biggie, as well as their similarities and differences.

If you see me on the street in 4 years, please stop me and ask about the current social climate of Hollywood. I'll probably have the answer, but god help me if you ask me how much interest you're paying on your mortgage.

Beautiful Things

2008-11-12T22:40:00.000-08:00

Everyone just relax for a second...

Thanks to Trevor for the idea.

Moment of Clarity

2008-11-09T22:00:00.000-08:00

Beyonce says....

2008-11-07T12:22:00.000-08:00

"If ya liked it then ya shoulda put a ring on it"

Well Bey, I like it, and I WILL PUT A RING ON IT.

TONIGHT I WILL MARRY 2000 ANGRY BEAUTIFUL FAGS.

RUN TRAIIIIIINNNNN.

Silliest Headline of the week, or of the year...

2008-11-07T00:41:00.000-08:00

Thanks Nicolas for being part of my development into a political maniac

LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- The Roman Catholic Church and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints insisted Thursday that their support for a proposition to ban same-sex marriage in California did not target any group.

"Proposition 8 is not against any group in our society. Its sole focus is on preserving God's plan for people living upon this earth throughout time," Cardinal Roger Mahony, archbishop of the Diocese of Los Angeles, said in a statement Thursday.

You guys...we've had it wrong all along! We're disrupting G*d's plan! Let's put an end to all this so we can get into -*HeAvEn*-!i!i!i!

PSHHHHH SYKE

Full story here:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/06/state.laws/index.html

MARCH FOR MARRIAGE

2008-11-06T14:57:00.000-08:00

IF YA DONT KNOW, NOW YA KNOW

What- March for Gay Marriage

When- Friday November 7th @ 5:30 PM

Where- SF City hall/ Civic Center/ Market and 7th

Who- YOU

Why- Because we deserve the right to divorce

will suck dick for marriage.

2008-11-06T14:30:00.000-08:00

In light of recent events I have become incredibly furious and paranoid about the state I live in. I don't know who voted yes around me and I've caught myself walking around with a furrowed brow and a very angry hunchback. But regardless of all those ig'nant fuckers I'm surrounded by, I still have to maintain a sense of humor about this whole thing...because it's just SUCH a lost cause. I mean, you couldn't stop us from making Mamma Mia the movie, you couldn't stop us from thrusting Britney to god-like status, you couldn't stop us from making "Angels in America" or "Milk" or....."Another Ridiculously Gay Sequel" (ok the last one was actually an embarrassment). So how the FUCK do you think you're gonna stop us from having weddings like this?:

Jk, that's just Kylie Minogue in concert.

Annnnywayzzzzz here are some ideas for my sign for the protest on friday night:

"Will suck dick for marriage" (this one is a little too extreme)

"If Sarah Palin's retard son can marry, why can't I?"

"Fabulous but not Equal"

"Let's make marriage more sparkly"

"Cher said 'You better let them marry! Hoooo!"

"If Britney can marry K-fed, then what's the problem?"

"If you voted yes, I hope you choke on glitter tonight"

"If you dont let us marry we'll stop styling your celebrities, doing your hair, and designing your clothes."

"A happy homosexual is an equal homosexual"

"Give us the right to divorce!"

"Mr. and Mrs. Jay are FURIOUS!"

"We just wanna dance the funky chicken at our wedding anniversary"

"WE GAVE YOU 'YMCA' NOW GIVE US OUR CIVIL RIGHTS"

"Some people can have two wives but I can't have one husband?"

"Should we segregate schools again too?"

"This one's for Harvey"

Let me know if you have any other ideas!

and remember, YOU ARE FABULOUS and EQUAL

Moment of clarity

2008-11-06T14:18:00.001-08:00

Our main man holding it down in WeHo on wednesday night

Magic!

2008-11-05T17:35:00.000-08:00

So we failed on an epic scale with Prop. 8 but that doesn't mean that tuesday night wasn't one of the most amazing things to witness. It was ALMOST better than 9/11. (too much?)

I think my favorite thing about the whole night, was Facebook. I sat in front of my computer and just refreshed and refreshed and looked at all the awesome things everyone had to say. It was really moving to literally see the excitement we all felt as the youth. Just a few examples of how much the youth is changing:

"Trevor McFedries is so proud to be an American."

"Molly Grace: does not want prop 8 to ruin this night!"

"Wilke Itzin loves the taste of this monumental air and the excitement of the people."

"Alina Ponomareva ugh screw you mom and dad for going to college and working hard for your money. you should be punished. oh wait you will be...YAY CHANGE"

"Greko Sklavounos today sarah palin and john mccain learned what a "community organizer" does."

"Tracy Glover is balack osama bidenladen."

"Brent Freaney verdict's in: looks like i'm not a human being."

"Travis Schneider: is thrilled, moved, excited & proud.. he also loves that his friends are smart and motivated."

"Brent Freaney is the world is jamming and this is so rad. if only i could get married...because that totally affected you, assholes."

And my personal favorite.....

"ALeXaNdRa CrAyToN so happy that my child will b bOrn n the reign of a bLk presidEnt!! wooO Tiuuuuuuu 4 Obama!!!!! my pResidEnt is bLk!!"

WE ARE THE FUTURE/THE FUTURE IS NOW/LETS CHANGE THE WORLD/FIRST CALIFORNIA

SPREAD
THE
GOSPEL

the holy trinity

2008-11-04T01:41:00.000-08:00

GG/OBAMA/NO8

here we go....

2008-11-04T00:42:00.000-08:00

"DIXVILLE NOTCH, New Hampshire (CNN) -- Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama emerged victorious in the first election returns of the 2008 presidential race, winning 15 of 21 votes cast in Dixville Notch, New Hampshire."- CNN.COM

full story here:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/04/dixville.notch/index.html

No one said it was gonna be easy

2008-11-03T19:09:00.000-08:00

He tucked his body against mine and I finally felt alright about leaving home.
This upheaval that had left me so disoriented and lonely suddenly seemed worth it, just to have him laying next to me. I knew it wasn't going to last but, everyone wants to feel wanted. Even if its only for a night. When the sun came up I pulled the comforter over my head hoping to sleep a little longer, but when I realized I was alone I sat up and looked around the room in confusion. I picked up my phone to see if there was anything. There wasn't. I had been fooled into thinking I had found something worthwhile. But the only things I found myself with were an empty bed and a newly hollowed chest. As the lump in my throat grew I licked a tear from my lip and realized, I need to stop looking. If I stop putting so much work into finding him, he'll find me. It may take time, and I might be lonely for a while longer, but if I keep hunting the way I am now I'm just going to end up with more mangled bodies and some weird sensation that distortedly resembles romance. I'm just so curious to see what he's like, will he move me instantly or will i have to pick around to find the good stuff? Either way, he's gonna be happy he met me. I will drown him in my arms and breathe him in so deep that my brain can't forget his smell. I'll be able to find him in a crowded room with my eyes closed. And he'll wonder how I did it but before he can ask I'll drag him to a dark corner and answer the question he never voiced. I forgot what it feels like to kiss someone 100 times and still want to kiss them again. I forgot what it feels like to abandon all responsibility in the name of a boy. I can't remember the last time I was wholeheartedly obsessed with someone. But when it happens, and he's picked me and I've picked him, it will all come blasting back.

IN CASE YOU ARE A SWING VOTE

2008-11-03T13:12:00.001-08:00

please, get the fuck of the swing.

Whitney gets me

2008-11-03T10:18:00.000-08:00

So, I've been really up and down these last couple weeks. I'm like this though, I go through stages of weird emotional limbo where I can't decide if I'm happy with my life or not. And somehow, I always come back to Whitney Houston during these times. I swear the last time I was thoroughly unhappy, I think it was around the time I got my 2nd DUI, I rediscovered this song and video.

The actual chorus of the song pretty much sums up my problems...I honestly just want someone to dance with, someone who isn't afraid to dance and someone who likes to see me dance.

This song makes me feel good, wanna dance Whit?

Artist Site

I'm dead set on Dead Set

2008-11-02T23:07:00.000-08:00

If you're anything like me, you watch zombie/apocalypse movies saying "Jeez, this looks fun. I wonder how well I'd do in this end of the world situation...I bet I could do it". Well, I just watched "Dead Set" a British miniseries that just finished in the UK. It's about the usual zombie takeover thing happening, but the twist is that its told from the perspective of the Big Brother house. I KNOW! such a brilliant concept. Aside from the obvious social commentary one would utilize in such an idea, there are a few good monologues and one liners that make the approx. 2 hour massacre more touching. And mind you, even for television this is REALLY graphic.

To watch it, click the shiz:

As long as we're on the subject of shit that looks scary and bomb...who's down for little Swedish girl vampires?

Something is wrong with the world if she's got guys hollering at her and I don't.

see you on the other side!

2008-10-30T14:43:00.000-07:00

So halloween is tomorrow. I hope everyone has a good weekend and has lots of fun and has to make really embarrassing walks of shame home in their costumes. And remember a few things:

-Always put your drink down unattended, who knows you might get a treat!

-Never let a slutty anything pass you without attempting to finger her/him.

-The ghosts of Aaliyah and Left Eye are most powerful on Halloween. So keep your eyes peeled!

-DONT TAKE DRUGS!

Yeah, whatever lady.

GOOD LUCK

Ps. Im planning on posting the most outrageous Halloween pictures post-debauchery. So make sure to document the carousing!

Gloria Estefan's hair?

2008-10-29T09:47:00.001-07:00

No, that wasn't it. I had a brilliant idea for a blogpost in math this morning. But I forgot it because I was still drunk from last night. It's true! Anyways, I'm going to go give my brain a hard time and try to remember what it was. You can eat this food for thought:

Disney's "Chip and Dale":

Vegas' "Chippendale":

Someone please attempt to explain.

Also, please watch this and feel okay for a second:

Is that....RIP TAYLOR talking in the background?

manOHman the world is weird.

Jenny Humphrey needs to DIE

2008-10-28T15:33:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or is Jenny Humphrey the achilles' heel of Gossip Girl?

Last night really sent me over the edge. I KNOW what the writers are trying to do, I get it. And I'm not necessarily hating on them for trying to turn Jenny into some Kira Plastinina/Cory Kennedy creature. It's not a bad avenue to take the show's youngest character down. But when the young lady playing the character looks like she stepped out of Calabasas or Orange County instead of Manhattan, there's a problem. Let's look at the facts:

1) Taylor Momsen can't act. Obviously no one on the show can really act except Ed Westwick, regardless of what you think he's doing, he calls it acting and I'll believe whatever he says. Back to T.M. though, her dialogue is too eager and contrived. She makes you think she's never gonna make it in the fashion industry....and she isn't.

2) Jenny Humphrey is not producing amazing work. Let's be honest, the show is making her out to be some kind of fashion prodigy, but the pieces they make to be hers are...well....TARGET. Just because you put a bright blue satin lining on a dark plaid dress does not make it high fashion, it makes it the Abby Dawn collection by Avril Lavigne for Kohl's. And the piece de resistance- the fucking green party dress. BORING BORING BORING.

3) If Jenny Humphrey is SUPPOSED to be a fashion prodigy, she would have:

A) Kept her apprenticeship with Elinor, the greatest minds are those which are humble.

B) Already been akin to the party scene in NY w/out the help of WillUHHHH why are you

this show Holland. She wouldn't have been hesitant about taking off her own design to bear her nubile body to a creepy version of Mark Hunter (the cobrasnake to those of you

that have ended up here by accident).

C) Been the best dressed character on the show and would have developed a relationship

with Chuck Bass because he is the style minded queer on deck for inspiration and

support.

4) Why have they not written in stimulant fueled nights of creative brilliance? HELLO, all great artists are supposed to be tortured drug riddled youths. Even her brother Dan, the only other "artist" on the show got slipped some Ecstasy by Chuck which made for a barely quixotic experience.

5) Since when does dying your hair a more platinum blonde and giving yourself charcoal raccoon eyes make you a more dynamic, edgy young person? In my book, those two things are the quickest ways to lose respect and legitimacy in the fashion world. She might as well be Kristin Cavallari.

ALSO: writing in a relationshit with Nate is NOT going to save Jenny's pathetic, talentless life. I HOPE HE BREAKS HER HEART!

So in conclusion, I ask for you to find some spare time and write to your local Gossip Girl script supervisor and ask that maybe in the next season Jenny has a freak accident with a sewing machine?

Ugh and can we all agree that upon Jenny's very appropriate and celebrated death, the writers instantly shift focus to her grieving peer, Serena's younger, gayer brother Eric.

Can we say BATH HOUSES!?

GG will never be raunchy enough for me. Even if female masturbation is the first topic of conversation in an episode.

Juniper, Sequoia, Diablo....Tamalpais?

2008-10-27T13:38:00.000-07:00

So we have these new dorms at my school, they're really nice and this is the first year they've been open. Each of them has some Native American/Californian name like Sierra or El Dorado. Anyways, so two of the buildings are for freshmen, the third is for sophomores and the last of the 4 new buildings is for the International students. and its called "Tamalpais" named after a small mountain in Northern CA. Can someone PLEASE explain to me how to pronounce this word? More so can someone tell me WHY they would put all the Japanese kids in a building with the hardest word to pronounce? Not to mention they're gonna struggle with that "l" in the middle.

"CAN YOU SAY 'TAMARPAIS"?

Gaytube, Kim Raver and life's biggest questions.

2008-10-27T10:54:00.000-07:00

So these past few days have been really rough on your boy. I would go into blogtails but I'd rather not ruin my reputation for having a funny blog. So I'll take my Daria/ Emily the Strange mood and make something humorous out of it.

IF you're SERIOUSLY considering group suicide, or just individual suicide if you're that much of a fucking loser, then I suggest you do a couple things first:

1. Visit Gaytube.com- It's the same thing as xtube or youporn but for gay people. Which just makes it kind of better. If you're not visiting to masturbate, which can release endorphins, which MAY reduce your suicidal urges then just search for something silly and totally pointless like "cockdocking". Cockdocking is when guys touch dicks head to head and roll their foreskin over each others dicks. Ive watched videos of cockdocking for a good long while and still can't figure out the arousal factor. But seriously, go jerk off...it helps I swear. Maybe you'll even feel sexy after.

2. Look at this picture I found on Facebook- Poor things were giving out handjobs before they could wipe right...

It's hot right?

3. Watch Lipstick Jungle online- Seriously I would go straight and have totally natural, satisfying sex with Kim Raver if I could. For those of you idiots that don't watch Lipstick Jungle hoping that Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha will pop up at a cocktail party Kim Raver plays Nico Reiley on the show. She used to be on "24" and that shitty show that lasted maybe 6 episodes called "The 9". Kim Raver is the reason Rachel Zoe lies about her age by 10 years, who the HELL knows how old Kim is, it's totally irrelevant because she is such a stonefox and her plastic surgery is incredible.

Work it out gurl

4. Katieandcorey.wordpress.com- Probably my biggest blogfluence. Two INCREDIBLY brilliant and hilarious people who happen to be tortured slutty drug addicts. But they admit to it, so you sit there and try to figure out how these two people maintain an academic career at UC Berkeley while having such chemically experimental lives. Maybe they're just like me and cant be anything but manic. But I doubt it, cause they're kicking ass at Berkeley. FAKERS!

5. Try Ketamine- Ok, SERIOUSLY...cats have it fucking made like lemonade. If Ketamine is what they get everytime the need to be tranquilized then by god let me be Heathcliff next lifetime around. I didn't even realize* what I was taking, but I took it, next thing I knew I was sinking into a wicker chair like it was my mother's womb (granted no matter how fucking uncomfortable wicker is, it's probably still more comfortable than being that close to my mother). Drink lots of beer on it too. I'm telling you guys, the only thing worse than not having anything to do on the weekends, is having the motor skills to get up and change that.

What party are you gonna complain about not going to if you can't even move?

*realize- care.

6. Visit Postsecret.com- This website is designed for schadenfreude. Schadenfreude is the german term for "taking pleasure in other people's pain" (I learn everything I know from musicals). If you haven't heard of it it's a public blog where people can anonymously post their secrets in cute crafty ways. My only issue is that sometimes these secrets look so cute I begin to doubt their authenticity. Regardless, they still make you feel less alone than before.

I just did all these things except #5 and I dont feel any better. So I guess ignore all of these except the Ketamine one.

I think being a 21 year old freshman at a shitty school on a hill in the middle of nowhere is kind of like having manic depression. How come it feels like no one here is asking themselves "How the fuck am I ever going to be able to have a family in an economy like this?" or "Why do I feel so alone when I'm surrounded by all you people?". This upheaval was refreshing for a second. But now I just feel like I'm REALLY wasting time. At least in LA I was FaBuLoUsLy wasting time.

At least im not the Puppetmaster....

2008-10-26T20:00:00.000-07:00

My girl RZ holding it down in this amazing new spread for Vogue.

what do you do when dudes let you down?

2008-10-26T19:46:00.000-07:00

So if you ever feel totally mutilated after a night and day of hanging out with strange bedfellows...you need to BOOK it to the city, set yourself up with a couple rails of ketamine cut with cocaine then wash the drip down with a tall can of Pabst and 2 xanax. It SHOULD do the trick (and by trick i mean make you COMPLETELY and TOTALLY forget what happened to the past present and future).

Oh and then you repeat this concoction over and over again until you get access to a tattoo gun and start inking yourself

They call me Banks,

Banks Von D, SF Ink.

Am I a drug addict? Oh well!

I must sound crazy right now. I think I need to go cut my wrists to sober up.

too emo? sowwy :(

Play with Sarah Palin for FREE

2008-10-22T22:48:00.000-07:00

If you like stupid shit click stupid shit below. Its not about Girlicious I know you've had enough of me being obnoxiously gay.

You can click on ANYTHING in the Oval Office...

CIARA JUST TOOK OVER THE WORLD

2008-10-22T16:46:00.000-07:00

OKAY. CIARA JUST KILLED RIHANNA, BEYONCE, CHRISTINA, DANITY KANE, AND THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS. They're all dead, and Ciara is standing on a mound of their bodies right now with this new video. I'm sorry but Ciara is what Aaliyah would have been if she hadn't died. I think she knows it too, I feel like she has this strange obligation to the world to hit it harder, sexier, and RIDICULOUSLY FIERCER than any other bitch in the game. THIS IS MY GIRL FROM NOW UNTIL I DIE. GET YOURS CICI.

She did everything everyone else should have done in the past 6 months while they were being lazy and threw it into the most epic video of all time. Man, ERRBODY WUZ ABOUT TO FORGET ABOUT HER BUT SHE COULDNT LET THAT HAPPEN.

PEACE

LOVE

KINDNESS

CIARA

Holding it down for my girlz

2008-10-22T15:45:00.000-07:00

"Your blog is so gay. Sooooo gay"- Maggy

Uh, YEAH IT IS! Next thing you know you're gonna visit my blog and glitter is going to magically pour down from your ceiling and Shania Twain will walk into the room for an intimate acoustic performance.

Let me introduce you to some of my favorite celebeauties right now.

Remember that song "Miscommunication" by Timbaland? With the SICK vocals by that unknown female? Yeah, well her name is Keri Hilson and shes the shit. Sometimes there are occasions where you KNOW you're gonna dig whatever a certain artist does. And when her solo single "Energy" came out I had one of those moments. She has the sickest hair in the video and there's this like pantomime dance sequence during the first chorus that I'm obsessed with.

I mean look how tortured she is!

THE GURL IS HURTING FOR YOU!

I suggest you watch her video on youtube.

Then there is Sia. I know you all remember that song "In the waiting line" from Garden State. It was by a band called Zero 7, really good bad. Anyways, the vocalist turned out to be Sia (this came to me as a complete surprise when I found out and my whole world made sense again). EVERY video she has is FUCKING AMAZING and clever and thought provoking and magical. But I'll just show you one of my favorites:

Sia - Buttons
by tougnia

I know she's fucking weird. But think about how sick the song is and how much she creeps you out and I know you'll find the beauty in ugly.

I just found this chick Tiffany Evans cause I was looking at Ciara videos for the 2348348593498th time. If you're gay you'll like this, if you aren't you probably won't get why its so good.

Click the photo for her video "Promise Ring", Ciara is in it too. Double Trouble!

This could be bad...

2008-10-21T15:16:00.000-07:00

Me+Annie+Phoebe+Steph+Nudo+Brooke+Lee+James= something really scary.

If you're not familiar with all the characters in this equation then just imagine something like this:

Global Warming, Palin for President and the general end of days has nothing on this group of people reuniting in SF for a weekend where drugs are too accessible and tolerances are WAY too high.

I'm kind of scared.

If you don't hear from me after thursday night...don't worry, I've gone to hell.

The earliest signs of my faggotry

2008-10-20T14:22:00.000-07:00

Some people are embarrassed of their childhood music. I am not one of those people.

1. Dream- He loves U not

The original Danity Kane, formed by Diddy, signed to Bad Boy, absolutely AMAZING

2. M2M- Mirror Mirror

This is like when you eat an ENTIRE stack of pancakes, thoroughly satisfying but still totally painful

3. Jennifer Paige- Crush

No words, you're probably sitting there thinking "OMG I LOVED THIS SONG"

4. Luscious Jackson- Naked Eye

Probably one of my favorite names out of all the one hit wonder nomenclature

ok sorry to be an ass but, I think they never made it big because...well...they're all kind of ugly.

5. S Club 7- Bring it all back

Ok, I am very serious about S Club 7. I watched their show every weekend for a good 2 years. Bradley, Jon, Hannah, Tina, Rachel, Jo, and Paul were a very big part of my life and I will stand by their music until I die. This was their one of their "biggest" songs, but personally my favorite was "S Club Party"

They pushed them SO hard in America, I bet they would've been epic if they had based their show in the UK, maybe...what do I know, look at the music i listened to when i was 11.

6. Donna Lewis- I love you always forever

When I rediscovered this song about a year ago I was "lost in a deep cloud of heavenly scent" for about 2 weeks. Now I'm watching the video and realizing this woman needs to be shot, who the FUCK plays with boots on their hands when they make their pop music video. SO weird...

The song is actually still very beautiful to me. Sorry Donna I don't know what came over me.

7. 3LW- No more (Baby I'ma do right)

This was the JAM for a minute, I remember when they were kind of big I saw all three of them on Melrose, which is probably where they bought all the ugly clothes in this video. Also, don't forget 2/3rds of 3 Little Women turned into Cheetah Girls. 'Nuff said.

8. Hoku- Perfect Day

I know...this song REALLY does suck. She bugs the shit out of me.

I mean, she just has NO energy. wtf.

9. Krystal- Supergirl

On a MUCH BETTER note, THIS SONG FUCKING RULES.

Not every one hit wonder gets BSB cameos in their video. RESPECT.

10. Westlife- Swear it again

I had mad kiddy crushes on all these dudes...sick.

More notable one hit wonders that just don't fit this specific aesthetic for me:

- Sonique: It feels so good

- Lou Bega: Mambo Number 5

- Samantha Mumba: Gotta Tell You

- Mikaila: So in love with two

- Blu Cantrell: Hit 'em up style (actually a REALLY good song)

I've officially stopped caring

2008-10-20T09:38:00.000-07:00

There's a myth that people only us 10 percent of their brain's potential and that if we were to utilize and cultivate that other 90 percent then we wouldn't have any reason for a body. We would just be floating masses of intelligence...? or something?

Well, I think I'm reaching that 100 percent mark, because physically...things are starting to go downhill:

Someone PLEASE call Stacy London and Clinton Kelly because apparently I've forgotten how to dress myself. This outfit was accompanied by flip-flops and a mere suggestion of a hairstyle. I ran out of product for my hair and simply don't have enough money to get more, I could just buzz my head and not worry about it at all but winter is coming and I don't have money for a hat so I guess the one god gave me will have to do. It's also hard to try when you live in a place where people compliment you on your style no matter what you're wearing....

Maybe I'll try and be a human being for lunch. For now though, I'm gonna go nap. It's my reward to myself for waking up for math this morning.

But before I go, let me make your day:

8 FaBuLoUs things didn't know about me that are TRUE.

2008-10-16T21:56:00.000-07:00

1. Kate Moss wished me a happy birthday

It's true! I was ringing in my 20th FaBuLoUs year and I was dancing behind the DJ booth with my DJ friend Myles Hendrik and Kate Moss could see me having the most amazing time and I was screaming "ITS MY BIRTHDAYYYYY!" and finally she touched my leg and said "It's your birthday?" I responded with an eager nod. Her nose bled a little and she said "Happy birthday darling!"

2. I went to see Austin Powers 3 with Orlando Bloom

Totally true! I was 16 I think? So I was invited to go see a movie with my uncle, he is my mother's sisters husband. I had been babysitting all day and he thought it would be a nice treat. Turns out, I wasn't going to see Austin powers 3 with only my uncle, two of his good friends Sebastian and Orlando would be coming with. When he said "Yeah you should come, meet my mates Bash and Orlando as well" I knew EXACTLY who he was talking about. So I went, and I sat next to him...and then a preview for The Fellowship of the Ring came on and it was FaBuLoUs.

3. I know Emile Hirsch

I'm not lying! Speed Racer, Into the Wild, The Girl Next Door, Alpha dogs? Yeah, I went to high school with him. We used to get high together, now I just see him out and we have a drink and he tells me about the new movie he's doing about Harvey Milk and how I'll love it cause I'm gay and FaBuLoUs. No but seriously, he's crazy. But I love him because he's famous, right?

4. I've been swimming with Dustin Hoffman

FACT. I have immersed myself in chlorinated water with the great Dustin Hoffman. It was a summer day and his son was trying to get into my best friend Christy's pants, so he invited her over and of course I had to come because she wasn't down to fuck. So we come over for a swim and out comes D. Hoff in swimming trunks and a snorkeling mask holding a bowl of cherries...when he got in he would go underwater and swim past his son and then come up and say "Nice package". His son was kind of sleazy, like him. But the cherries were FaBuLoUs.

5. I was voted 1 of the top 10 people to know in LA nightlife

Okay this one MIGHT not be true, you decide. One of my close family friends said both her and her daughter saw a picture of me in a list titled "The top 10 people you need to know in the LA nightlife scene" . It was published in either Paper magazine or Nylon magazine, same difference. I never saw the issue but months later a 3rd person, another parent said they had seen the same thing. I was in the ranks of the great buffet cyclone Cory Kennedy as well as the obvious party photog Mark Hunter. We're like a little family, except we're more FaBuLoUs than you. But you can come play!

6. Amy Winehouse and Kelly Osborne asked me for drugs

Scouts Honor! I said no of course! I couldn't live with myself if I was the line that broke the beehives nasal cavity! I was at Teddy's and as the end of the night approached, after I had been dancing with everyone all night the two of them cornered me and said "You MUST know where to get coke right darling?" I replied "No, just xanax but i doubt you guys are looking for something like that" to which Amy snapped "I'll take whatever, how much" I pointed them in the right direction and the rest was history. Who knows if they ever even took the xanax, they probably just traded it for coke at 4:30 in the morning. It was nice feeling needed, a truly FaBuLoUs sensation. I know a lot of famous british people don't I?

PS. Amy dances like a zombie bride

7. I've done drugs with Lindsay Lohan

OBVIOUSLY this is true. Who HASN'T done drugs with Linds. She was not looking

FaBuLous, rough night for my girl.

8. I was in a Mc Donald's commercial when i was 6

It's true ask my dad! My father was producing a commercial for Mc Donald's and it called for

two kids soccer teams, so he cast me as one of the players. I got to eat crafts service food all day

and I made plenty of FaBuLoUs six year old friends. Until they all got edited out and I was the star

of the commercial, they really resented me for having a father on set.

I'm hoping in the next ten years I...

-get the first star on the walk of fame to celebrate someone who has walked down Hollywood more

than 99% of the world's population

-sleep with Bryan Singer, one of the most powerful homosexuals in Hollywood

-get ASKED for drugs by Lindsay Lohan and DO drugs with Amy and Kelly

-win a reality tv show award

-make it onto a commentary panel for a show like "101 most embarrassing Tara Reid moments"

or "Where are they now: The story of the cast of the new 90210"

All of those things will probably happen, because FaBuLoUs never really dies, it just goes to

college in Hayward.

Can I touch 'em? No?

2008-10-15T15:34:00.000-07:00

Currently obsessed with this boy...

Procrastinate now, DON'T put it off

2008-10-15T11:55:00.000-07:00

Ellen Degeneres has a problem with procrastination....just like me. I'm putting off studying for both my geology and math midterms. OH! that reminds me, I have to email both my communications and general studies teachers. BRB.
Okay so I just got a couple things done. I had to write a short introduction for myself in my General Studies class. People are calling me "Mr. Hollywood" on campus, or at least that's what some people have been telling me........

I could die an embarrassed man with a name like "Mr. Hollywood"
It sounds like a WWF wrestler....kill me.

MISTERRRRRRRRR HOLLYWOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

and my special move could be called "the tabloid" and I would lift people up to great heights only to throw them down and watch them fall. Thats what Hollywood did to Britney...

Can we just take a FUCKING minute to acknowledge what's going on...

BRITNEY HAS ARRIVED...AGAIN.

We all watched her fall apart for a couple years there. I'll be the first to admit that I initially found it entertaining, fascinating, and a little funny. But then things took a turn for the worst and I became legitimately concerned for one of the most prominent figures of my formative gay years. Things got scary, and I think we all worried for her a bit.

BUT WHO NEEDS TO WORRY NOW!?

She's looking good naked, remindin us that SHE was the one who put out "Toxic" almost 5 years ago. Alright she's not covered with rhinestones this time...I'm sure her budget is a little smaller this time around, give her a break, she tried with the steam.

And then there's also "Britney Spears: For the Record"

"And its that process where, the FUN stuff starts to come..."

Dude the next chapter of her life is gonna be so epic, she FINALLY raked in her deserved VMAS. I mean the past ten years have been like watching Susan Lucci sit around waiting for her Daytime Emmy, it was ridiculous. But I think MTV had this master plan to help her come to power again and award her 3 moon men for what I consider to be her best album.

I'm so happy I finally understand what being gay means. I'm so happy I understand the way our gay idol world works...Britney, Kylie, Christina...I FINALLY GET IT.

uhhhh

2008-10-14T00:05:00.000-07:00

Up until, well...today, I would sit around with my friends and talk about never having a blog. We didn't necessarily make fun of the blogs, it was just the people behind some of them....What made them SO interesting that we would want to read a painstakingly detailed account of their lives in reverse chronological order?
Then I realized....they don't care if we read it.

Blogs=Boredom
Blogs=A voice when you're stuck in a place where you can't use your real one
Blogs=~*~SeLf ExPreSsiOn~*~*

So here i am, realizing that college is BORING. For everyone, everywhere. It's school, and we can all agree...school has always been "whatever". But hopefully I can use this thing effectively and make myself laugh more. I dont laugh that much right now but I know Im STILL really funny. I hope it works. Also, although college is boring...there are ALOT of people here that make things funny. Not fun, not interesting, not cool or distracting....just funny. Ok awkward too, these young kids make things REALLY awkward.
I don't know what to do now, so I guess ill make a list of things I would do for a thousand dollars right now.

1. Throw up everything I have in my stomach right now (this includes green beans, mashed potatoes and pork roast coated in chocolate soft serve and a cookie)

2. Poop on a lawn on campus, but I wouldn't be allowed to choose the spot. The omnipotent figure with the money gets to decide obviously.

3. Smoke out again with the INCREDIBLY awkward guy I smoked out with last night who spent 25 minutes explaining how to make DXM followed by 15 more minutes explaining the sensation caused by the absolutely toxic solution. The finale ended up being "It's like getting really drunk AND high"....thanks but, I know another way to do that.

4. Listen to every song Linkin Park has ever had. I'm not positive but I think this one might be the most difficult.

5. Leave semen on my roommates bedding and see if he says something to me or just thinks it's his because he jacks off like 3 times a week in bed while he barely whispers to some girl on his cell phone....I THINK he assumes I'm asleep.

6. Get a Tinkerbell tatto on my breast. Or maybe even the character for "strength" in Mandarin. I gag.

7. Seriously injure my remedial mathematics teacher and steal her gradebook in the process.

8. Fuck it, I'd burn the math and science buildings down for a thousand dollars. KIDDING...............?.......??. . . . . . . .?

9. Bike to Los Angeles, naked.

Ladies and Gentleman...a few good things about the past 4 weeks:

"Some people have everything, the have nothing...It's wonderful"

GOLDEN COFFEE. It's a block away from where I stay every weekend and it's retarded. Thanks to Steph and Phoebe for letting me stay with them every weekend so we can go get GC the "morning after".

I spend like $6 and get 2 fatty pancakes, 2 sausages, an egg scrambled and OJ.

It's owned by this Chinese family I think. I'm not positive if it's a family but they're all Chinese. There's not a single decorative, ornamental aspect to the entire place. The walls have NOTHING on them except a lone calender to the left of the entrance. And the menus are the same, straight to the point:

Omlets

From the Griddle

Hot Sandwiches

Cold Sandwiches

Sides

Beverages

Chinese Food.

LEGIT.

BIGGIE

Enough said. When you're sitting in the dormitory hallways playing music, the only way to earn street cred is by playing something like:

Notorious B.I.G.

Too Short

Easy E

The only men I really need in my life right now.

MY GIRLS IN FUR.

"I feel nothing, I FEEL EVERYTHING"

It's 12:24...I don't sleep enough here. I'm gonna go watch Fringe. You should too, it's kind of like Lost meets House?

http://fox.com/fod/play.php?sh=fringe

fag gutz

Movin on up...

Bromance

What ever happened to Baby Gray?

Save the! --eh, We're Over It.

hate to say I told you so

Finals Week

Am I Dreaming?

Things I get to come home to...

Life's biggest questions.

INTERGALACTIC BRITNEY SPEARS DAY

SUPER MIND-BLOWING AMAZING HYPER INTELLIGENTSIA

Testing... Testing...

Look Upwards Tonight!

What's Zac Efron Up To?

The Big Picture

Moment Of Clarity

I am the game, I am the spotlight, I am the thing that makes sure you never think twice

America's darling is BACK

THNKSGVNG

Throwback!

Its a trailer, but just look at it as a youtube short.

Whatshername? WHATSHERNAME!?!?!?!

**AuStRaLia***(oOOh aaAAh)

Moment of Clarity: Thanks(but no thanks)giving Edition

Animal Circus

It's turkey lurkey time betches.

CAPCHA'S GOTCHA

Mashed Potatoes & Me

Who's the Queer?

STEAL FROM THE RICH AND GIVE TO DA GAYZ

Moment of clarity

Beautiful Things #2

So you think you can dance?

Magical Things

People I admire, unsung heroes, and amazing drinkers

If you seek Amy...

T.G.I.FUCK YEAH

I lost me to math...

Beautiful Things

Moment of Clarity

Beyonce says....

Silliest Headline of the week, or of the year...

MARCH FOR MARRIAGE

will suck dick for marriage.

Moment of clarity

Magic!

the holy trinity

here we go....

No one said it was gonna be easy

IN CASE YOU ARE A SWING VOTE

Whitney gets me

I'm dead set on Dead Set

see you on the other side!

Gloria Estefan's hair?

Jenny Humphrey needs to DIE

Juniper, Sequoia, Diablo....Tamalpais?

Gaytube, Kim Raver and life's biggest questions.

At least im not the Puppetmaster....

what do you do when dudes let you down?

Play with Sarah Palin for FREE

CIARA JUST TOOK OVER THE WORLD

Holding it down for my girlz

This could be bad...

The earliest signs of my faggotry

I've officially stopped caring

8 *FaBuLoUs* things didn't know about me that are TRUE.

Can I touch 'em? No?

Procrastinate now, DON'T put it off

uhhhh

AuStRaLia*(oOOh aaAAh)

8 FaBuLoUs things didn't know about me that are TRUE.